i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
