I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I love having hate sex.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
