She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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