i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I cut my penus on the lid.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
