I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
