They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
