ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
