Got a toothbrush?
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
