Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
