she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
