cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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