dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize