Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
