I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
