It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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