remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
