he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
