Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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