I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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