Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
