I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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