just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize