so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
