can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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