Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
