i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
