its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
