Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Randomize
