The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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