I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
