I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
