I am in a vortex of obligation.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
