A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
