FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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