So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
