You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
