I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it wasn't lemon gatorade
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize