Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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