It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
