I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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