he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
