There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
