how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
