you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
