you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
