I just pynch a tree in the face
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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