I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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