I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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