I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
