I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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