Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
