Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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