it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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