Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
