Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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