if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
