you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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