Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
