guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
