She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize