Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize