Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
