Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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