I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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