She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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