Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
