I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
