I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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