There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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