Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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