How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
