The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
