they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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