I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
