so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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