He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
