All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
