Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
