Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
