what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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