I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
