Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
