He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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