Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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