Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
