we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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