what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize