Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
