didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
