I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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